What do you think of when we say, "cathodic corrosion"? If it's "huh?", "whuh?"  or "Catholic whatnow?", and you have even a scrap of carbon on your high-end bike, then listen up. A carbon seatpost in an aluminium or carbon frame without the right product results in carbon bonding, commonly known as "My frickin' seat post won't frickin' move. Damned *&$@#% piece of *$##%@.." (*cue incomprehensible noises, trailing off into quiet sobbing*) Dry your eyes, my pet. This terrible fate can be avoided with Tacx Assembly Compound. It stops your carbon/carbon or carbon/aluminium parts fusing together plus has an adhesive effect to stop you enthusiastically over-tightening bits and damaging your bike. (Tempted to ignore this advice? Google 'carbon seat post stuck' and take it from the chumps who learned the hard way.)

Oh, we love a muddy bike in the workshop. The way they grind dirt into our carpet. The way they shed grit through the workshop like a Labrador after a day at the beach. And they're so much fun to work on! However, if you wish to deprive us of this particular joy, or if you just want to stop your drivetrain being chewed out prematurely, consider the Pro Scrubber Set. A specially-designed stiff-bristled brush will remove stubborn dirt from your cassette, while the scraper removes debris (mud, twigs, the shredded jerseys of your competitors) from between the sprockets. So grab the set and proudly proclaim, "I'm a scrubber!" to your startled family or workmates.

Met have a pithy slogan: One brain. Use it. (Like most things, it sounds better in other languages: Un cerebro. Úsalo!) Anyway, the Met Falco is a comfortable and well-ventilated mid-range helmet. Perfect for mountain biking, you can also remove the visor so your roadie friends don't laugh at you when you're on the bitchumen. Say, did you know that Met are unique in the cycle helmet industry in that they do no outsourcing, and all design, testing, and manufacturing is done in-house at their Italian HQ? Well, now you do.

Oh, boy. Sometimes a product will put one's mad copywriting skillz to the test, such as this one: Salsa water bottles. They're bottles. Bottles for water. OK, OK. BMCR readers expect more. Here we go: their funky colour schemes are pretty fancy, they've got a mouth bigger than Kyle Sandilands, and they're by Salsa ('nuff said). And you can use them for a variety of purposes, such as.... er.... drinking out of... and... um... Oh! You could fill them with sand and then throw them through your neighbour's windows. Not really a selling point, is it? Damn it. Water bottles! Fill them with water! I'm tapped. (Ha! See what I did there?)